Monday, September 17, 2012

Ten Signs You Have Ted Living in Your House

 1. You place your ladder in the middle of the lawn to create a climbing frame.  Because leaving it leaning against the shed didn't stop the climbing.

2. As soon as you see gorgeous afternoon sunlight, all you can do is think about how glorious it will look photographed through his mop of hair.  No matter what the face may be.

3.You are exhausted by 10am.  I mean it - exhausted.

4. Before you have left the bed on a weekend morning, he has already been a kitten, Cedric Diggory, a puppy, a shopkeeper, maestro, baby polar bear, "Egypt mama", invisible, maniacal and deliciously sweet.  All on top of you.  Or next to you. All the while you attempt to delude yourself that you're actually sleeping since the sun is yet to rise.

5.  Silence fills you with blessed relief.  And then cold terror.

6. You know every nuance and emotional knee slapping moment in 'Hard Knock Life', Teddy-style.  As does your neighbour.

7. It would appear that the word "MAH-MAH" yelled in a sing-song, high volume capacity is necessary to breathe.  At least that's how it would seem given the proclivity of its eruption.

8. You never have to watch a movie ever again, since your house becomes a sound stage every afternoon.  And evening.  And morning.

9.  Your bag, car and pockets are all stuffed to groaning point with containers of nuts and fruit.  Because dealing with hungry Ted is something no mere mortal wants to experience.

10.  Your heart is so full it hurts.  Or is that the ringing in your ears?

11.  You realise that given the high level of exposure your glass doors have, you should probably reclaim a little of the cleaning authority and suggest to Ted that an adult helps him clean them next time he uses the squeegee. 

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