Ready or Not

 

 It's a hard gig, this parenting caper.  Just tonight I hit the wall.  Lying in bed next to a little person while they snuggle away, getting ready for sleep and then slowly nodding off - this has been something I've experienced almost daily for the last eight years.  Until tonight.  

Tonight Ted was exhausted.  Oh my goodness, so exhausted.  It has been the month of birthday parties (I think there are five parties this month...or six?  And that's not including Harriet's), we have been cleaning demons at home and he has been experiencing a particularly insane developmental spurt.  All of these events have conspired to make him one very tired boy.  But tonight I didn't want to lie down in the dark.  Again.

I didn't even know I was going to be saying the words until they were already out there, living in the world, outside of my brain and in reality.  "Tonight I'm not going to sleep with you".  Poor Ted - no lead-up, no preparation, no nothing.  Never fear, I hope you know me well enough by now to know that I was still quiet and supportive and listened to him and responded to his requests and cry-outs for me.  But I just could not face going in there and having to lie on the bed.  Again.

It's strange how that happens, and it definitely seems to happen more now that I'm a parent.  I make definite, complete decisions in the blink of an eye.  I could see that, in retrospect, tonight was the perfect night to introduce this change in routine.  He's already very tired, he will no doubt sleep deeply and soundly as a result and we have nothing to do tonight except sit here and I can respond to anything and everything he requests to reassure him that I am here for him.  

Just on this side of the door.

Ted is ready for it, I know he is.  I'm definitely ready for it.  And although Ted is not particularly well known for his ability to compromise, I have a feeling we can talk it through and work out a solution.  But until then, tonight worked out quite well.  Which leaves me hopeful.